How to support employees through bereavement

The death of a family member, or close friend, can be one of the most devastating things a person goes through. Having to think about work on top of this can be stressful and overwhelming. A supportive employer can make a real difference during this tough time.

Employers may find it difficult to know what to say and do. This article shares advice from organisations such as Sue Ryder, Marie Curie, the Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development (CIPD), and Acas on how to support an employee who is bereaved. It looks at what to do in the immediate few days and weeks following the death, and later down the line.

Why it’s important to support someone through a bereavement

In 2021, Marie Curie carried out research into bereavement in the workplace to find out what support employers offer and what employees might need.

Over half of the people who took part in the research said their performance at work was affected by their grief months after the death of a loved one.

Grief can have a long-lasting effect, so it’s important that employers help people through this. This will improve staff wellbeing and mental health, and have a positive effect on the culture of the organisation. In turn, this will reduce staff turnover and absence in the workplace.

Create a bereavement leave policy

Having a bereavement leave policy is crucial. But findings from the Marie Curie research showed that only one in three employers had a bereavement policy – and often this wasn’t put into practice.

The charity Sue Ryder says a bereavement policy provides line managers and employees with information about what to expect. It gives the employee reassurance and certainty about their situation. And the line manager knows what to say and how to communicate with someone who has lost a loved one.

Your bereavement leave policy should contain key information, including when bereavement leave applies, how much leave your organisation provides, if leave is paid and how much.

If you don’t have a policy in place, it can cause unnecessary stress. Line managers will have to use their own discretion when deciding how to support an employee.

The CIPD says to be flexible with your bereavement policy as employees will all react differently to grief. For example, the death of a close friend can be just as devasting as losing a family member. So, a staff member may need extra leave on top of what your bereavement policy says.

Help your line managers to support people

Line managers have an important role to play when it comes to supporting a bereaved colleague. When the employee first gets in touch to let them know what’s happened, the manager needs to ask the person how they would like to be supported. They also need to ask the employee what they would like their work colleagues to know about their situation.

Once the staff member returns to work, a manager needs to create time and space to have regular conversations with them. This will help the manager to find out how they are and how they can continue to support them.

Be flexible

When someone is ready to return to work, have a chat with them to find out what would work best for them. This could include working reduced hours until they’re ready to return to work full time. Or they may want to work from home for a while.

Grief affects people in different ways. The CIPD says that managers should be sensitive and open to flexible working further down the line. For example, around anniversaries of the death.

What to say to someone

It can be hard to know what to say to someone who is going through a bereavement. You may worry about saying the wrong thing and upsetting someone. But ignoring grief is likely to make someone’s experience more painful and long-lasting.

Marie Curie says it’s important that people don’t feel like colleagues are avoiding talking to them or they don’t care about how they’re feeling. The charity has a useful list of dos and don’ts when speaking to a colleague who is bereaved.

Create a safe space to talk about grief

Employers need to create a safe environment where people feel comfortable talking about grief at work. Being able to talk openly about personal experiences of death can help to make these conversations normal.

It also helps to raise awareness among staff of the support available to them. For example, counselling and support groups. Employers can signpost staff to different services that could help them.

Marie Curie says that to create a compassionate culture – which encourages everyone to talk about illness, bereavement and grief – you need to have managers who are compassionate. This means they use common sense and empathy to understand what the staff member may be going through. Managers should also talk about their own experiences as this will help to normalise these types of conversations.

Recognise the signs of grief

Learn about the different stages of grief, so you can try and understand what people are going through. This will allow you to respond with compassion.

Read about the five stages of grief model that was developed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler.

Where to go for further support

• Acas: www.acas.org.uk/time-off-for-bereavement/supporting-an-employee-after-a-death
• CIPD: www.cipd.org/globalassets/media/zzz-misc---to-check/a-guide-to-bereavement-support-feb2021_tcm18-81624.pdf
• Crus Bereavement Support: www.cruse.org.uk/organisations/
• Inclusive Employers: www.inclusiveemployers.co.uk/resource/supporting-colleagues-through-grief-factsheet/
• Mind: www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helping-someone-else/
• Sue Ryder: www.sueryder.org/grief-support/supporting-someone-bereaved/employer-bereavement-support/